LGBTQ Family - In the Life of Benson
When did you guys decide to be parents and what were the steps you took after this decision?
We always knew we wanted to be parents but the real turning point was when we were finally in our own home and both had at home jobs.
We then needed to find a donor. We wanted to find a donor that we actually knew so that we didn't have to go through a clinic, and that's what we did!
We guess a lot of trans guys would like to have children but don't know how to do so, could you explain a bit more on how you guys were able to get a child?
There are many ways for Trans Men to have children. One way is how we went about it, my Wife carried our baby and we used a sperm donor that we knew and trusted. We inseminated at home and didn't use clinical intervention at all.
Do you have any advice for other people from the LGBTQ+ community that want to get children?
We did not want to go to a clinic to have a baby, and we were very privileged in the fact that we didn't have to. If going to a clinic is your only option then obviously I would go that route. If you are using a sperm donor or any donor to create a child you need to be sure that you are okay with the fact that you are needing to use a donor. It's so important that you don't reflect your own feelings about using a donor on your child after they are earthbound. Please be confident in your decision and yourself before having a child!
For a second child, if any, would you consider using your eggs [benson] and the same sperm? And would testosterone have any effects on doing so?
I personally don't want to have to go through any medical intervention to have a baby, so using Blaise's eggs and the same sperm do or as last time is what we are going to do with the next baby. Again we are very privileged by the fact that Blaise is able to get pregnant and that we have such an amazing donor that we personally know who is willing to donate whenever we are ready for another baby.
Did you have any difficulties being the legal father of Arlo? As we read it sometimes is difficult for couples other than heterosexual couples to get legal approval.
I did not tell any medical professionals that I was Transgender. It was something that I did not think would be necessary at all and would only complicate things further. I am the father to my child and any other children that we have, and that's all the matters. Again I am privileged in the fact that I am a passing trans man, meaning medical professionals wouldn't second guess that I do not biologically rely on my child because Blaise and I appear to be a cis-gendered hetero couple.
You are raising your child as Conscious Parents, could you explain a little bit the meaning of what it is and why you choose to do so?
Conscious parenting is about letting go of a parent's ego, desires, and attachments. Instead of forcing behaviors on children, parents should focus on their own language, their expectations, and their self-regulation.
I believe conscious parenting should be the new standard of parenting. Really tuning in to our children and listening to them, in every capacity. I want to raise well rounded, companionate, caring, thoughtful, loving, knowledgeable children and conscious parenting is really the only way to do that.
What are the top 3 life lessons you would want to give to Benson?
Trust yourself, be patient, go with the flow.