A transgender penis - An interview with Jay Moch

Disclaimer: this article can contain graphic content 

We recently watched a documentary on Videoland: Shock Doc - the man with a penis on his arms, in which they followed two cis and one trans men which all three didn’t had a penis. 

1. They asked them they question what it does to their masculinity not having a penis, how does having a penis influences your feeling of masculinity?

Not having a penis just felt like a piece of me was missing. Deep down I always knew I am a man but I’ve always struggled with bottom dysphoria. Due to this there have been a lot of moments during my transition where I did not feel masculine enough. Especially during sex. I was always ashamed of being naked and I could never really open up to my partner. 

Since having a penis all of that has changed. I feel whole. My bottom dysphoria is completely gone and I never question my masculinity anymore.

2. Do you feel other people see you different now you have had bottom surgery?

To be honest, I don’t think so. Family & friends do know that I have had my bottom surgery but they do not treat or see me differently. I would say they are just more curious now. 

3. What function of it makes you the happiest? 

At the stage where I’m at, I do not have any functions with my penis yet. Due to complications my surgeries got pushed back and my urethra had to be reconstructed. But I am so excited for my next surgery in 2023. Hopefully I will then be able to pee standing and to get an erection with the erectile device that I will have by the end of next year.

For people that consider bottom surgery

4. When did you decide to have bottom surgery?

I have been thinking about bottom surgery for the past 6 years. I was really indecisive and I was not sure if I really wanted or even needed it. But to be honest, I was just scared of the complications and years of surgeries. I’ve tried to live without a penis. But I did not feel comfortable without having one. In 2020, I finally made up my mind and decided that I need to overcome my fear and just go for it. This was the best decision I ever made.

 5. Did you need many operations and how long did the full recovery take? 

Usually there are 4 stages (4 surgeries). I am currently at stage 2 and had 3 additional surgeries due to complications. So in total I’ve already had 5 surgeries and I still have 2 more to go. 

The recovery time was always between 6-8 weeks after each surgery. Apart from the actual Phalloplasty surgery when they took the skin graft from my arm. It took me 4 months to recover from this surgery. I had to relearn how to use my arm and gain my strength back slowly. 

 6. Are you happy with how it functions? 

I am very happy with my penis but unfortunately I cannot say much about it’s functions, not until the next 2 surgeries. 

 7. Would you recommend others to do this operation?

My recommendation: Really think about it. It is not an easy road to take. Bottom surgery has been one of the toughest things I’ve gone through. I do not regret my decision and I am happier than I’ve ever been. I just want everyone else to know that there are risks. Complications happen quite often and if someone wants to go through this journey, they should definitely take some time to really think this through. 

8. Where did you research which doctor and hospital you wanted / where you able to choose your doctor?

I did my research through Google. I live in Germany and over here we do not have a lot of clinics which do bottom surgery. I’ve signed up on discussion forums where I was able to see some results from different clinics. My choice was the Dr. Lubos Clinics in Munich. 

 9. Any suggestions / tips for people that are considering bottom surgery?

Take it easy. If you need more time to recover between each stage, then take your time. Do not get stressed along the way and try to rush through these surgeries. And please never EVER compare your journey to someone else's! That’s one huge mistake I made. 

My surgeries got pushed back because of the complications I’ve had. Other trans guys (who I met in the clinic) are now already nearly done with their surgeries and they have started around the same time, or even later, than me. It was frustrating seeing everyone going past me. I kept thinking to myself “why is this happening to me?”. I got depressed and there was even a point where I lost hope in continuing the surgeries. All because I was comparing my journey to other guys journey’s. So do yourself a favour and never ever compare yourself to someone else.

10. Are you happy and feel more complete after your ‘last’ surgery? 

I am happy and I definitely am more complete than I have ever been. I am just so excited for the next steps and can’t wait to be done with all the surgeries! 

 

We want to thank Jay Moch for his openness in this interview. For more information check our other blogs about these topics here.

Want to see more photos of patients who have had glansplasty, metoidioplasty, phalloplasty, phallus/scrotal reconstruction, and implant surgery operations?Check this link: https://www.gurecon.com/photos

Follow Jay Moch on Instagram @jayxmoch